So many of us are so comfortable in the lives that God has given us, that we fail to realize, that what we take for granted are actually blessings that we forget to count.
Just remembered this girl called Richa from my 5th grade the other day. Daughter of an army-officer; had a brother called Rakshit who was 2 years elder to her; pretty average in studies; loved to play sports; she had lost her mother a year ago, when she joined our school.
The first time she came out to play, she was wearing her brother's shorts and a lose T-shirt, and everyone was wondering whats wrong with this new girl. She didn't play with the girls much, she liked to play in the group her brother was playing. We all had accepted the fact that she was this way because she had no mummy! But that was not all, those two siblings had all together different concerns than what most of us had.
Her brother was very particular about going home on time and be ready at the study table by 7 pm; whereas, we all invariably would forget that we had a home to go to, and our mothers would come out yelling to call us home for homework. Her brother didn't like if she made fuss over eating her evening snack cooked by the maid and we would leave half the things uneaten on our plate in our eagerness to go out and play. Rakshit made her check her school uniform every evening for the next day and we all had never thought of how our uniforms were always ready in the morning for us. My mother would plait my hair every morning for school and she had a bob cut (she loved her long hair though) because neither her dad nor her brother could plait them for her.
One Sunday, we all were playing in their house. Uncle was there too. He was reading something in the drawing room all the time and would come if Richa called out for something. We all were curious to know what kind of a dad he was. Was he very sweet to these kids, because they didn't have a mom, was he very strict so that they don't get spoiled? But he was like any of our dads. Like every other dad, he loved his children and was very proud of them, but could express so little. Richa once told us that her Dadi wanted him to marry again and she asked both the kids. Richa didn't want a second mom, but Rakshit thought of his father. He and Richa were fine with Papa alone, but what if Papa wants a companion in his life? At that point, Uncle said to Rakshit, "Son, I don't want to marry again for a companion, your mother has given me enough as long as she was with me. Dadi will keep pressing the point that you two kids need a mother to be raised well, but if you promise me to help me take care of yourself and Richa I think the three of us will do just fine." Since then, the two children became a little more responsible. Their dad was always there for them, even if not physically. They may have lost their mother's warm snuggle, but their father's embrace was just as warm and secure.
A man in uniform is married to his country. He has no time for himself let alone the family. Does that mean he has no love and affection for them? A father's job may be demand his time, but does that mean his heart is not occupied with the thought of his family's well-being? To all the children who think their dads don't love them as much because they don't see him around often because of work, he is the man who is staying away from the very people that he loves to give you a better life. Just because he isn't expressive the way you want him to be, doesn't mean his heart is empty. If you fail to see his love, then its your failure as his child to understand him.
It was once that we all were invited for her birthday party. A birthday without mummy was so unconcievable an idea in everyone's heads. Who is going to make the cake, who is going to arrange the food, who will keep all the kids in control, actually mummy is the kingpin in any birthday party... and how was this party going to be?
We went in and the whole house was full of balloons and streamers. The entire house was colourful. The cook took care of the snacks, but the cake was baked by uncle. Richa was dressed in a very pretty crimson dress (Rakshit's choice) with matching accesories. There were games and prizes. Uncle was wearing a fake wig and a beard and distributing return gifts. Rakshit was taking care of his friends and seeing that the little ones were not messing around. And then came Richa's birthday gift, a bicycle she always wanted, she was delighted. Later, uncle dropped all the kids home. By far one of the best birthday parties we all had ever attended.
This story must not have stopped where I stop narrating, there must have been all the milestones every girl and boy have in their growing years; the ones where you feel, its only your mom you can talk to. In their case, it must have been their father.
Why I remembered Richa was, I bumped into her on one of the social networks lately. She is working in Europe these days, engaged and getting married in sometime and Rakshit has joined the forces. The two chidren with their father did just fine... ! A good father is not about "the number of chores and errands he can run for you, respect him and more importantly love him". Something disturbing hit me in this generation and hence this blog!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Its in the air!
Not love silly... Ever wondered about all the sound bites that go floating around you? Somehow, when people are sitting with strangers, they tend to feel as if they don't need to be discreet. Now I seriously don't understand the logic. If you don't want somethings to be heard by people close to you, why would you want those things to be heard by complete strangers? I am not complaining though! :) Ok! I am not into eavesdropping, but what do you do when somebody is so loud that you are sure, they want you to hear it! And if its meaty, spicy, sausy and hot... my mouth would water!
It was a Wednesday, so hubby wouldn't have been back from office till late evening. I was tired of my books and there were a couple of things to be done in the town area, so I decided to go scouting around the city by myself that day.
Had a quick bite and locked up the doors and was all set. I came out and was waiting for the lift. There walked in this lady with 2 tiny kids. I never saw their dad, but my hubby told me that it may not be a very nice idea to make a mention of the missing parent, in this part of the world. So I just smiled at the 2 angels and the lady, who at the moment was coming down heavy on someone on the other side. "What the f#%@! I have told you, I am going to pay that bill. How on earth can you disconnect the line. Give the phone to Pedro!"
Pedro I guess was the favoured one, so the tone was more sing song and purring, "Pedro! Baby what is this guy saying? Didn't I tell you I am waiting for a cheque! Honey, do you think I am gonna scoot off with your money? Sweety, I am not gonna cheat you out of all the people! When are you coming over, its been ages since we sat over a drink? And I am gonna give the cheque to you at my place, OK! Come and get it..." And I walked away smiling, Pedro was gonna 'get it' :P
I just walked past my building and there were these kids playing, some 7-8 years old I guess. And my ears heard, "Jeromy said, you wanna be my boyfriend. But my mom says, I can't make boyfriends till I am 16!"
"Ok I promise I'll kiss you only on the cheeks. You can tell my mom if I didn't keep my promise! C'mon! it'll be so cool..."
"Boys will be boys" is a stupid cliche, but quite true!
I am grinning ear to ear and walking ahead! "Nice smile Miss!" says a guy working on the lawn at this hopital! Small joys of living in a small town! :)
I went inside, I had to collect some medical reports. The receptionist asked me to wait in the lounge. I went in and picked up a magazine! There were 3 people already waiting there. They were waiting to see a doctor is what I presumed. Just then a handsome bloke walked in, he was a doctor! He was looking for someone and left the room after peeping. "Holy christ! This fella is a doctor now!" cried the guy sitting in our roon to the girl he was with.
"Why, what about him?"
"He was such a jerk, in high school! I have always seen him with something broken, either his arm or leg or knee...! Always surrounded by the most delicious chics in the school! He was a goner in school, I am sure his dad must have pulled some strings to get him where he is. Some people just have all the luck. I wonder how many have died under his knife so far."
The old lady was a little perturbed and she looked at him, "By the way, he happens to be a cardiac surgeon and is treating me. He happens to have made quite a name for himself!" That stopped the guy.
Anyways, my name was called out and I got up; so did this guy and his girl. On his way out he didn't miss to retort, "So he is a heart surgeon! What an irony, he must have played around with so many and he is in the business of repairing them now!" Sometimes, jealousy and complexes can turn you into a jackass!
I took my bus to downtown and walked around a little! I thought I'd pick up a doughnut before I went ahead with my shopping. It was a nice weather. I didn't want to sit inside the eatery so I came out and sat on a bench on the side walks. I couldn't help but look around and admire almighty. Every face on the road is different and so are their stories! "Hi! How are you doing?" Strangers greeting you is not uncommon here and something I appreciate in this culture. I smiled at and wished him back. "Are you from around here?" he asked.
"Well no, not really. But I live in this city now." I replied to this old gentleman accompanied by someone somewhat younger than him.
"Do you see, Jimmy boy? So many travellers in this town now. When I was a kid, my old man used to bring me here right here on this very square to meet Santa during christmas. I knew every single kid who came to the square that day by his or her first name and my parents knew theirs and so on! Kids these days know everything, in those days, I was such a dork! Mary told me when I was 10, that there are no Santas and my dad packs'em up, those presents! Oh Boy, what days! Hey... do you wanna ask this lady here for a cup of coffee? She seems to be all by herself!
Like I said, people tend to drop their guard. I can hear him talking about me with that sheepish grin, and did he not just speak to me in English, in case he had any doubts about me not understanding English. I quite like the old man though! :)
I walked into this shop across the street. There was a guy already at the counter. A woman walked in after me. Quite the piece! From the looks of her, she seemed to be Russian or something. She had this beautiful long golden hair done up in a plait. She smiled and made a small talk with the shop-keeper, bought her things and went away.
The other guy's eyes ushered her out of the shop, and something makes me think, that his mind even walked with her all the way to her home. Still looking at the door he asked, "who is she?"
The shop-keeper told him, "Oh She! She is Ms. Dashia! She is a widow.'
>>"Ohh! what tradegy"
"I said she is a widow, I never said she is alone"
>>"A woman like that would never be;Lucky bastard, whoever it is!"
"Well! Lucky are the bastard's'!! Came a reply with a wink.
>> "Well you speak as if you are one of the favoured ones! ahaa!"
"Ohh no no no! I am man with wife and kids, no such crap for me. I am not into all this man!"
Ahh Mr.! you are into a lot of crap, from what I can see!
Anyways, I thought I'd call it a day and head homewards. I caught my bus to Silverlane and sat down, with the day replaying in my head. My feet were hurting a little with all the walking and shopping, so I just eased up a little on my seat and closed my eyes.
>>"Hiiiii! What a surprise to hear from you! I called you yesterday and got your voice mail, so I left my number and was wondering if you would even recognize me and call!"
>>"Yeahh! I am working here itself, my office is in Downtown. Where do you work?"
Some Indian gal had found some Indian bloke she knew in this part of the world. I couldn't help but notice that there was a more than mere joy in her voice and the response from the other end was encouraging if not anything else!
>>"Ohh thats amazing! Its close by, we should catch up for lunch or coffee sometime"
>>"By the way I saw your wedding photos. You guys make a good pair. And you haven't lost any of your charms post marriage, I must say!
My ears are craning out of my head now...
>>"Yeahh! My folks are looking out for me now. I was dating someone, but that didn't work out and I am over it now."
>>"Ya! Its so wierd man, I guess we never spoke in school, but so much has changed since school."
>>"Hahaha! Do you know, we gals used to follow you home from tutions, you were quite a hit among the gals. You have no clue how many hearts you broke when you got married."
Hmm... so flirting is the name of the game!
>>"Ohh C'mon Sushil, you are flattering me now!!"
Heyyyyy!>>>>>>>>>>> Wait a minute!, Did I hear Sushil? What are the chances of there being some other 'newly-wed Sushil working in Downtown' ....in this part of the world. I quickly dialled his number from my phone.... "the number that you've dialled is busy at the moment, please try again later"
Whaaaaaatttt Thhheeeeeeeee Helllllllllllllll !!!
It was a Wednesday, so hubby wouldn't have been back from office till late evening. I was tired of my books and there were a couple of things to be done in the town area, so I decided to go scouting around the city by myself that day.
Had a quick bite and locked up the doors and was all set. I came out and was waiting for the lift. There walked in this lady with 2 tiny kids. I never saw their dad, but my hubby told me that it may not be a very nice idea to make a mention of the missing parent, in this part of the world. So I just smiled at the 2 angels and the lady, who at the moment was coming down heavy on someone on the other side. "What the f#%@! I have told you, I am going to pay that bill. How on earth can you disconnect the line. Give the phone to Pedro!"
Pedro I guess was the favoured one, so the tone was more sing song and purring, "Pedro! Baby what is this guy saying? Didn't I tell you I am waiting for a cheque! Honey, do you think I am gonna scoot off with your money? Sweety, I am not gonna cheat you out of all the people! When are you coming over, its been ages since we sat over a drink? And I am gonna give the cheque to you at my place, OK! Come and get it..." And I walked away smiling, Pedro was gonna 'get it' :P
I just walked past my building and there were these kids playing, some 7-8 years old I guess. And my ears heard, "Jeromy said, you wanna be my boyfriend. But my mom says, I can't make boyfriends till I am 16!"
"Ok I promise I'll kiss you only on the cheeks. You can tell my mom if I didn't keep my promise! C'mon! it'll be so cool..."
"Boys will be boys" is a stupid cliche, but quite true!
I am grinning ear to ear and walking ahead! "Nice smile Miss!" says a guy working on the lawn at this hopital! Small joys of living in a small town! :)
I went inside, I had to collect some medical reports. The receptionist asked me to wait in the lounge. I went in and picked up a magazine! There were 3 people already waiting there. They were waiting to see a doctor is what I presumed. Just then a handsome bloke walked in, he was a doctor! He was looking for someone and left the room after peeping. "Holy christ! This fella is a doctor now!" cried the guy sitting in our roon to the girl he was with.
"Why, what about him?"
"He was such a jerk, in high school! I have always seen him with something broken, either his arm or leg or knee...! Always surrounded by the most delicious chics in the school! He was a goner in school, I am sure his dad must have pulled some strings to get him where he is. Some people just have all the luck. I wonder how many have died under his knife so far."
The old lady was a little perturbed and she looked at him, "By the way, he happens to be a cardiac surgeon and is treating me. He happens to have made quite a name for himself!" That stopped the guy.
Anyways, my name was called out and I got up; so did this guy and his girl. On his way out he didn't miss to retort, "So he is a heart surgeon! What an irony, he must have played around with so many and he is in the business of repairing them now!" Sometimes, jealousy and complexes can turn you into a jackass!
I took my bus to downtown and walked around a little! I thought I'd pick up a doughnut before I went ahead with my shopping. It was a nice weather. I didn't want to sit inside the eatery so I came out and sat on a bench on the side walks. I couldn't help but look around and admire almighty. Every face on the road is different and so are their stories! "Hi! How are you doing?" Strangers greeting you is not uncommon here and something I appreciate in this culture. I smiled at and wished him back. "Are you from around here?" he asked.
"Well no, not really. But I live in this city now." I replied to this old gentleman accompanied by someone somewhat younger than him.
"Do you see, Jimmy boy? So many travellers in this town now. When I was a kid, my old man used to bring me here right here on this very square to meet Santa during christmas. I knew every single kid who came to the square that day by his or her first name and my parents knew theirs and so on! Kids these days know everything, in those days, I was such a dork! Mary told me when I was 10, that there are no Santas and my dad packs'em up, those presents! Oh Boy, what days! Hey... do you wanna ask this lady here for a cup of coffee? She seems to be all by herself!
Like I said, people tend to drop their guard. I can hear him talking about me with that sheepish grin, and did he not just speak to me in English, in case he had any doubts about me not understanding English. I quite like the old man though! :)
I walked into this shop across the street. There was a guy already at the counter. A woman walked in after me. Quite the piece! From the looks of her, she seemed to be Russian or something. She had this beautiful long golden hair done up in a plait. She smiled and made a small talk with the shop-keeper, bought her things and went away.
The other guy's eyes ushered her out of the shop, and something makes me think, that his mind even walked with her all the way to her home. Still looking at the door he asked, "who is she?"
The shop-keeper told him, "Oh She! She is Ms. Dashia! She is a widow.'
>>"Ohh! what tradegy"
"I said she is a widow, I never said she is alone"
>>"A woman like that would never be;Lucky bastard, whoever it is!"
"Well! Lucky are the bastard's'!! Came a reply with a wink.
>> "Well you speak as if you are one of the favoured ones! ahaa!"
"Ohh no no no! I am man with wife and kids, no such crap for me. I am not into all this man!"
Ahh Mr.! you are into a lot of crap, from what I can see!
Anyways, I thought I'd call it a day and head homewards. I caught my bus to Silverlane and sat down, with the day replaying in my head. My feet were hurting a little with all the walking and shopping, so I just eased up a little on my seat and closed my eyes.
>>"Hiiiii! What a surprise to hear from you! I called you yesterday and got your voice mail, so I left my number and was wondering if you would even recognize me and call!"
>>"Yeahh! I am working here itself, my office is in Downtown. Where do you work?"
Some Indian gal had found some Indian bloke she knew in this part of the world. I couldn't help but notice that there was a more than mere joy in her voice and the response from the other end was encouraging if not anything else!
>>"Ohh thats amazing! Its close by, we should catch up for lunch or coffee sometime"
>>"By the way I saw your wedding photos. You guys make a good pair. And you haven't lost any of your charms post marriage, I must say!
My ears are craning out of my head now...
>>"Yeahh! My folks are looking out for me now. I was dating someone, but that didn't work out and I am over it now."
>>"Ya! Its so wierd man, I guess we never spoke in school, but so much has changed since school."
>>"Hahaha! Do you know, we gals used to follow you home from tutions, you were quite a hit among the gals. You have no clue how many hearts you broke when you got married."
Hmm... so flirting is the name of the game!
>>"Ohh C'mon Sushil, you are flattering me now!!"
Heyyyyy!>>>>>>>>>>> Wait a minute!, Did I hear Sushil? What are the chances of there being some other 'newly-wed Sushil working in Downtown' ....in this part of the world. I quickly dialled his number from my phone.... "the number that you've dialled is busy at the moment, please try again later"
Whaaaaaatttt Thhheeeeeeeee Helllllllllllllll !!!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The Take Away shop...
There is something which I believe in and as the days have passed I believe in it even more... "Every person who comes and goes in your life, is sent to teach you something. And the length of their association is inversely related to the importance of the lesson they teach you."
This one is for some of those small associations and what they taught me.
1. Doden Uncle's daughter. My classmate in Nursery, who was also my neighbour. She was my neighbour for about 6 months odd. We used to go to school together and come back together. On our way back, Ms. Deepa, the primadona, would sleep off in the school bus. This gal would wake me up, take my bag and water-bottle along with hers, and walk along. Ms. Deepa on the other hand, would carefully hold her skirt and jump over the water puddles and mud, to avoid soiling her clothes or shoes. Both the mothers used to be waiting together and my mother used to be absolutely embarrased everyday watching the scene. She scolded me hundred times not to make her carry my things, but of no use! One day, she forgot to wake me up and she realized it when the bus was gone. She waited till the bus came back with me. She apologized to me for having left me in the bus that day.
Some years later, I used to laugh about the incident and think of that gal half-jeeringly. When one day, my mom corrected me. She said, "What makes you think that you bullied that gal all the time? I think, she was a very smart gal. She was so much in control of herself when she was just in Nursery. She was watchful that she wouldn't miss her stop. She woke you up, lest the bus took you away in your sleep. When you were still coming in terms with the daze, she would be ready with her stuff and yours, to get down. She walked you back home watching your pricey ways. Any other gal would have never seen your face from the very next day you made her do all this. And this gal did it everyday, and the day she missed she felt sorry for letting her friend down. You trusted her blindly, but could she ever place the same trust in you as a friend? In friendship, she did her bit, without even thinking what was she getting in return!
Now I do try to be a friend like her to all my friends but trust me, its not easy! There are so many times I have erred.
2. Kause Sadiki Ulaya. A pen friend from Tanzania in my 5th grade. Being an Armyman's daughter, I couldn't keep up with the mails as we changed too many addresses. I recieved her letters written in broken English, but very warm words describing her country. I could visualize Mt. Kilimanjaro when she wrote about it in her letter. (And yes, there was no Internet when I was in 5th grade.)
The lesson!! You really don't need perfect words or language to describe something, you really don't need to see the person face to face. All you need is a heart of gold, an open mind, and a hunger to know, to understand. Distances are man made.
3. The three kids of a construction labourer I taught in my 8th grade, as an experiment by my school to introduce Social awareness programmes among students. The eldest was a girl, who was in charge of looking after her 2 siblings. The second was a girl, six years old, the sharpest. The youngest was a crawling baby. I just couldn't get them interested in the class. They didn't know who Amitabh Bachhan or SRK were, they hadn't heard of bollywood songs. So I drew fruits and animals in their notebooks and their spellings next to them in Hindi. Next day the delighted little girl took me to her shanty and wanted me to paint those things on her steel box!
When words on a book or a page start making sense to someone who has never known them, the joy in those eyes is probably comparable to Alladin's excitement having found the genie inside his rotten lamp!
5. This guy when I was in 10th grade! Incidently, me and a very dear friend of mine had a crush on the same guy! And we still gossip about it.
Even after you grow up and you realize that the fella who's very sight made you feel weak in the knees once, is so dumb and such a block head, First Flame is always the First!! :D:D:D:D Isn't it, Ms. 'S'?
6. Ms. Mini Chaubey. Yes I put it on records. I and some friends made her life miserable in school. She was a crazy girl, but that didn't give us the right to pour an entire bottle of glue on her chair, paste notes on her back, or tease her with some random guy in the class and etc and etc.
Sense of humour is small expression but means a zillion things. Your humour, at the expense of somebody's happiness isn't humour, its tom-foolery! Those 2 yrs, 11th and 12th grade, are the most cherished times in my life and I have ruined those memories forever for someone! Yes, I did apologize to her personally once when I met her after school, but can I ever get back those years for her?!
7. Mr. Rohan Tatnis. God knows where he is now. I have met him just once at a family friends place. At the time when I was so frustrated with my routine and studies when I was studying for a CA degree. It was the first time I flunked by 2 marks in the Income Tax paper and I was cribbing about it. And after hearing me out, he said, "there must be students who flunked by 1 mark, and there must be students who have passed all subjects but flunked in aggregate. The fact is all of you are not good enough! Would you like to get treated by a doctor who passed on the border line? He knows 40% of the things, but there is an entire 60% percent of stuff that he doesnt know!!"
Lesson!! Stop cribbing about the system, the rules are there 'coz of some logic! Doctors & Engineers aren't accountants, so they missed such a big flaw in their passing policy! My Institute isn't :P ! Long Live the Indian CA Institute! :D:D
Or probably Rohan meant, stop fooling yourself, overcome your shortcomings and move ahead!
8. The Pakistani Uncle & Aunty we met on our trip to Niagara. We were buying the tickets for our ride and the guy at the counter was having a difficult time explaining the deal to Uncle. So Sushil pitched in and Uncle decided to tag along with us for the ride. What a delightful couple and aunty had the typical Pakistani sense of humour. We had a great time. When we came back, all of us decided to sit down for some coffee and snacks! The conversation began, and over the next two hours, Uncle gave us the most inspiring advice on so many issues that were boggling us. It was as if God had sent these two that day, just to answer our doubts and give us a push!
God sends the least expected people as messengers. Those two took some big risks in their lives and made it big! It was aunty who stood by him and kept encouraging him when the times were rough and people around them didn't know what was going on. He said, if you have decided in your head what to do, just do it! Start walking and you will know the path! The important thing is the first step!
I had read about all these things above some or the other time in my life, but I realized if one was to get wiser by someone else's experiences and learn from what people tried to teach you from books, world wouldn't have been full of clumsy people like me!
Still learning and experiencing!
yours truly!
This one is for some of those small associations and what they taught me.
1. Doden Uncle's daughter. My classmate in Nursery, who was also my neighbour. She was my neighbour for about 6 months odd. We used to go to school together and come back together. On our way back, Ms. Deepa, the primadona, would sleep off in the school bus. This gal would wake me up, take my bag and water-bottle along with hers, and walk along. Ms. Deepa on the other hand, would carefully hold her skirt and jump over the water puddles and mud, to avoid soiling her clothes or shoes. Both the mothers used to be waiting together and my mother used to be absolutely embarrased everyday watching the scene. She scolded me hundred times not to make her carry my things, but of no use! One day, she forgot to wake me up and she realized it when the bus was gone. She waited till the bus came back with me. She apologized to me for having left me in the bus that day.
Some years later, I used to laugh about the incident and think of that gal half-jeeringly. When one day, my mom corrected me. She said, "What makes you think that you bullied that gal all the time? I think, she was a very smart gal. She was so much in control of herself when she was just in Nursery. She was watchful that she wouldn't miss her stop. She woke you up, lest the bus took you away in your sleep. When you were still coming in terms with the daze, she would be ready with her stuff and yours, to get down. She walked you back home watching your pricey ways. Any other gal would have never seen your face from the very next day you made her do all this. And this gal did it everyday, and the day she missed she felt sorry for letting her friend down. You trusted her blindly, but could she ever place the same trust in you as a friend? In friendship, she did her bit, without even thinking what was she getting in return!
Now I do try to be a friend like her to all my friends but trust me, its not easy! There are so many times I have erred.
2. Kause Sadiki Ulaya. A pen friend from Tanzania in my 5th grade. Being an Armyman's daughter, I couldn't keep up with the mails as we changed too many addresses. I recieved her letters written in broken English, but very warm words describing her country. I could visualize Mt. Kilimanjaro when she wrote about it in her letter. (And yes, there was no Internet when I was in 5th grade.)
The lesson!! You really don't need perfect words or language to describe something, you really don't need to see the person face to face. All you need is a heart of gold, an open mind, and a hunger to know, to understand. Distances are man made.
3. The three kids of a construction labourer I taught in my 8th grade, as an experiment by my school to introduce Social awareness programmes among students. The eldest was a girl, who was in charge of looking after her 2 siblings. The second was a girl, six years old, the sharpest. The youngest was a crawling baby. I just couldn't get them interested in the class. They didn't know who Amitabh Bachhan or SRK were, they hadn't heard of bollywood songs. So I drew fruits and animals in their notebooks and their spellings next to them in Hindi. Next day the delighted little girl took me to her shanty and wanted me to paint those things on her steel box!
When words on a book or a page start making sense to someone who has never known them, the joy in those eyes is probably comparable to Alladin's excitement having found the genie inside his rotten lamp!
5. This guy when I was in 10th grade! Incidently, me and a very dear friend of mine had a crush on the same guy! And we still gossip about it.
Even after you grow up and you realize that the fella who's very sight made you feel weak in the knees once, is so dumb and such a block head, First Flame is always the First!! :D:D:D:D Isn't it, Ms. 'S'?
6. Ms. Mini Chaubey. Yes I put it on records. I and some friends made her life miserable in school. She was a crazy girl, but that didn't give us the right to pour an entire bottle of glue on her chair, paste notes on her back, or tease her with some random guy in the class and etc and etc.
Sense of humour is small expression but means a zillion things. Your humour, at the expense of somebody's happiness isn't humour, its tom-foolery! Those 2 yrs, 11th and 12th grade, are the most cherished times in my life and I have ruined those memories forever for someone! Yes, I did apologize to her personally once when I met her after school, but can I ever get back those years for her?!
7. Mr. Rohan Tatnis. God knows where he is now. I have met him just once at a family friends place. At the time when I was so frustrated with my routine and studies when I was studying for a CA degree. It was the first time I flunked by 2 marks in the Income Tax paper and I was cribbing about it. And after hearing me out, he said, "there must be students who flunked by 1 mark, and there must be students who have passed all subjects but flunked in aggregate. The fact is all of you are not good enough! Would you like to get treated by a doctor who passed on the border line? He knows 40% of the things, but there is an entire 60% percent of stuff that he doesnt know!!"
Lesson!! Stop cribbing about the system, the rules are there 'coz of some logic! Doctors & Engineers aren't accountants, so they missed such a big flaw in their passing policy! My Institute isn't :P ! Long Live the Indian CA Institute! :D:D
Or probably Rohan meant, stop fooling yourself, overcome your shortcomings and move ahead!
8. The Pakistani Uncle & Aunty we met on our trip to Niagara. We were buying the tickets for our ride and the guy at the counter was having a difficult time explaining the deal to Uncle. So Sushil pitched in and Uncle decided to tag along with us for the ride. What a delightful couple and aunty had the typical Pakistani sense of humour. We had a great time. When we came back, all of us decided to sit down for some coffee and snacks! The conversation began, and over the next two hours, Uncle gave us the most inspiring advice on so many issues that were boggling us. It was as if God had sent these two that day, just to answer our doubts and give us a push!
God sends the least expected people as messengers. Those two took some big risks in their lives and made it big! It was aunty who stood by him and kept encouraging him when the times were rough and people around them didn't know what was going on. He said, if you have decided in your head what to do, just do it! Start walking and you will know the path! The important thing is the first step!
I had read about all these things above some or the other time in my life, but I realized if one was to get wiser by someone else's experiences and learn from what people tried to teach you from books, world wouldn't have been full of clumsy people like me!
Still learning and experiencing!
yours truly!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Spare a dime for your life...
Shinjini, was introduced to me by my senior as a new colleague. Short, petite, young and enthusiastic, is what I made out of her first appearance. She sat next to me, looking at the screen, the reports and ERP that we used. It was her first day so as usual HR was hounding her.
At lunch time, all the gals (ours being an all gals team) pulled out their 'dabbas', got up and left. Shinjini was looking around skeptically. And that is something I absolutely abhore about females in the corporate world, god knows why can't they be courteous to their own sex, and then make such a humdrum about males treating them right!
"I usually go a little later than the rest as the canteen is crowded, come with me when I go, unless you wanna go right away!" She relaxed and smiled and came to my desk. We did the routine round of buying the coupon and taking a plate and found a table to sit.
As the conversation unfolded, I realized she was married and she also had a one year old baby. She just didn't look like a mom! I mean not that you have to look a particular way if you become one, or God stamps you with a 'Mom' stamp on your forehead. But she was just as peppy and as perky as any other single, unabashed, independant woman. It was a love marriage for her; her husband was her senior in college. They both had made it inspite of severe opposition from both sides and you could see the 'Merit' of that decision from the confidence she exuded when she spoke about relationships and life. The world was at her feet. I didn't understand it so much as I do now, that a relationship can make or break you. When you are with the right person, you know you can face any goddamn situation even if its an unknown one! And if not, you will watch your steps on an already trodden path too! I am not fighting a case for marriage here, but marry if and only you find the right person... You can be 'happily married', you can be a 'content couple', but the real game is when you are 'the right team'!
One year ago she was working with a very big brand name in our Industry. She was handling a team of people and doing a swell job of it. It was a tough decision for her to let it go as she consciously decided to devote full time to her growing child. Those people promised her the moon, to make her stay; but she decided to quit. Her comeback was more of a assertion of the fact that she had made the right decision then and a note to the corporate world that a quality resource doesn't get corroded just because he/she decides to go on a sabbatical due to personal reasons.
Shinjini didn't go back to her previous office only because this place was closer to her house. Every morning she would get her toddler ready for the day, drop him off at the creche and come walking to the office, in the evening she would go at 4.30 pm, pick up the kid at 5 and her husband picked both of them from there. The husband and wife took care of his cleaning and feeding. She cooked, served dinner and the day would end. Of course you had a few days when baby was running high fever, or the baby spilled the entire vessel of milk on the carpet or the made didn't turn up. But our lady was managing.
Office incidently wasn't less demanding either. It was newly established entity, there were nascent systems in place, gruelling reporting requirements, work pressures were more severe and she was new too. Her predecessor was too perplexed about having been chucked out from her role so she didn't help Shinjini much too. She tried to start from the basic inflow of data, to the processing, and finally the output. She sat with every individual in her team to understand what they were doing and made an all-out effort to get into the groove. Slowly, the 4.30 pm stretched to 5.30, 5.30 to 6.00, so on and so forth. Once she said to me, "The look on my baby's face when he is the last one to be picked up from the creche crushes my spirits."
She reported to a woman who was a self-proclaimed epitome of the modern emancipated corporate woman. A conventional DINK, age just spilling into forties. A holiday to 'spend some quality time at home' was uncomplimentary for her. The only thing she enjoyed was showing down people by pointing out their inefficiencies especially if the underlying cause was personal gratification or personal happiness. She took pride in the fact that she missed out on some crucial milestones in life because of her career.
Shinjini turned out to be a delicious target. Firsty, she was new; she had no clue what used to happen before her as nobody told her; if she tried to find out herself, obviously out of 10 she would get 5 things wrong; she had too many questions and asked again if she it didn't make sense to her. And she experimented alternatives to the sluggish systems too. Her Manager pounced at every opportunity to tell her that she went wrong somewhere, or that she wasn't too involved in her work, as all she cared was about leaving office in time (That was Shinjini's tagline... 'we have to leave in time like other departments, so we have to organize ourselves'). And there was our David up against Goliath, even before she knew the corridors of the office well.
One day I found her, grappling to leave office at 6.00 pm and our Mrs. Goliath was hell bent on making her stay for an issue which she was supposed to work on, but was stuck because of somebody else. According to her, if that other guy gave inputs at 9 p.m. our lady should hang around even then. Goliath wanted her in office on an official holiday too, to add to her woes, creche had a holiday that day. The reason was the entire department was working that day.
Somehow the scheme was not working out as expected. Was she an inefficient parent or a rusty employee or both put together? She knew she could turn the place around once she knows the system. She knew everything would work on schedule in the department once she puts it in. Then no more late hours, no more of making her baby wait. But in reality, it was all falling apart. Her husband wasn't saying much about it, but she could see it. He was over-sympathetic and over-encouraging, as one is with an underperforming ward in school.
One day Shinjini came to office about an hour late. The lady at the creche was concerned about her Son, he was becoming irritable which he never was. As soon as it was evening time, there would be a gloom on his face and he just went quite. Goliath, just happened to see her walk in and said, "you aren't very particular about the in-time I guess!" Well, firstly Goliath could have asked her about the delay. She could have been stern if she was doing it everyday. An average boss would simply ask what happened? Your subordinate is not a school gal to be spoken to like that.
That day Shinjini called me after office. She was so perplexed. There was a reputation she carried with her name in her previous organisation and here she was struggling with operations. Its much easier for an average guy to make it big, but its a great calamity for a maestro to become mediocre. Her previous organisation had called her and they were restoring her old designation and salary and her previous manager had even enquired in a creche near that office for her son; she was strongly contemplating that offer. "The only thing that is killing me is I am quitting without living up to the challenge." And I said to her, "If you took up that job, probably in the larger scheme of things, you actually would have killed the beast.
Next month, I was out of town and she quit. She stayed at home for a week, and joined the old place. One day I was having lunch with Goliath's superior and he said, "I have heard Shinjini goofed-up a couple of things while she was here!" I instinctively had an urge to tell him that she was performing exactly the same role as she was supposed to with us, in a competitor's office, and was evidently happy to be where she was right now.
Well... when I sign a contract for employment, do I sell my soul to the devil? Does the contract ever mention I have to give up a happy family back home to earn that money, is it even called for? Are we making Rockets or satellites in office to devote that kind of time? Why should it be sinful if a drink with my friends after a day's work is more precious to me than the day's work? And why should a sabbatical of one or two years from my ohh-so-long working life, to make babies, to write a book, to backpack around the world, to start a business; be such a big deal? It is my life, and all I traded were those specific hours out of my life... and people if you are giving anything more, make sure you are paid for it and if not, there are more precious moments which you are losing out on, which cannot be measured in money.
Arnav is two now; a very naughty and playful child. Goliath still occupies the Valley of Elah. Shinjini is doing her best, which is reflecting in her appraisals. She does have late hours but things are more organized. And Kim Clijster is back as the US Open Women's champion after a sabbatical of 2 yrs and a baby one year old.
At lunch time, all the gals (ours being an all gals team) pulled out their 'dabbas', got up and left. Shinjini was looking around skeptically. And that is something I absolutely abhore about females in the corporate world, god knows why can't they be courteous to their own sex, and then make such a humdrum about males treating them right!
"I usually go a little later than the rest as the canteen is crowded, come with me when I go, unless you wanna go right away!" She relaxed and smiled and came to my desk. We did the routine round of buying the coupon and taking a plate and found a table to sit.
As the conversation unfolded, I realized she was married and she also had a one year old baby. She just didn't look like a mom! I mean not that you have to look a particular way if you become one, or God stamps you with a 'Mom' stamp on your forehead. But she was just as peppy and as perky as any other single, unabashed, independant woman. It was a love marriage for her; her husband was her senior in college. They both had made it inspite of severe opposition from both sides and you could see the 'Merit' of that decision from the confidence she exuded when she spoke about relationships and life. The world was at her feet. I didn't understand it so much as I do now, that a relationship can make or break you. When you are with the right person, you know you can face any goddamn situation even if its an unknown one! And if not, you will watch your steps on an already trodden path too! I am not fighting a case for marriage here, but marry if and only you find the right person... You can be 'happily married', you can be a 'content couple', but the real game is when you are 'the right team'!
One year ago she was working with a very big brand name in our Industry. She was handling a team of people and doing a swell job of it. It was a tough decision for her to let it go as she consciously decided to devote full time to her growing child. Those people promised her the moon, to make her stay; but she decided to quit. Her comeback was more of a assertion of the fact that she had made the right decision then and a note to the corporate world that a quality resource doesn't get corroded just because he/she decides to go on a sabbatical due to personal reasons.
Shinjini didn't go back to her previous office only because this place was closer to her house. Every morning she would get her toddler ready for the day, drop him off at the creche and come walking to the office, in the evening she would go at 4.30 pm, pick up the kid at 5 and her husband picked both of them from there. The husband and wife took care of his cleaning and feeding. She cooked, served dinner and the day would end. Of course you had a few days when baby was running high fever, or the baby spilled the entire vessel of milk on the carpet or the made didn't turn up. But our lady was managing.
Office incidently wasn't less demanding either. It was newly established entity, there were nascent systems in place, gruelling reporting requirements, work pressures were more severe and she was new too. Her predecessor was too perplexed about having been chucked out from her role so she didn't help Shinjini much too. She tried to start from the basic inflow of data, to the processing, and finally the output. She sat with every individual in her team to understand what they were doing and made an all-out effort to get into the groove. Slowly, the 4.30 pm stretched to 5.30, 5.30 to 6.00, so on and so forth. Once she said to me, "The look on my baby's face when he is the last one to be picked up from the creche crushes my spirits."
She reported to a woman who was a self-proclaimed epitome of the modern emancipated corporate woman. A conventional DINK, age just spilling into forties. A holiday to 'spend some quality time at home' was uncomplimentary for her. The only thing she enjoyed was showing down people by pointing out their inefficiencies especially if the underlying cause was personal gratification or personal happiness. She took pride in the fact that she missed out on some crucial milestones in life because of her career.
Shinjini turned out to be a delicious target. Firsty, she was new; she had no clue what used to happen before her as nobody told her; if she tried to find out herself, obviously out of 10 she would get 5 things wrong; she had too many questions and asked again if she it didn't make sense to her. And she experimented alternatives to the sluggish systems too. Her Manager pounced at every opportunity to tell her that she went wrong somewhere, or that she wasn't too involved in her work, as all she cared was about leaving office in time (That was Shinjini's tagline... 'we have to leave in time like other departments, so we have to organize ourselves'). And there was our David up against Goliath, even before she knew the corridors of the office well.
One day I found her, grappling to leave office at 6.00 pm and our Mrs. Goliath was hell bent on making her stay for an issue which she was supposed to work on, but was stuck because of somebody else. According to her, if that other guy gave inputs at 9 p.m. our lady should hang around even then. Goliath wanted her in office on an official holiday too, to add to her woes, creche had a holiday that day. The reason was the entire department was working that day.
Somehow the scheme was not working out as expected. Was she an inefficient parent or a rusty employee or both put together? She knew she could turn the place around once she knows the system. She knew everything would work on schedule in the department once she puts it in. Then no more late hours, no more of making her baby wait. But in reality, it was all falling apart. Her husband wasn't saying much about it, but she could see it. He was over-sympathetic and over-encouraging, as one is with an underperforming ward in school.
One day Shinjini came to office about an hour late. The lady at the creche was concerned about her Son, he was becoming irritable which he never was. As soon as it was evening time, there would be a gloom on his face and he just went quite. Goliath, just happened to see her walk in and said, "you aren't very particular about the in-time I guess!" Well, firstly Goliath could have asked her about the delay. She could have been stern if she was doing it everyday. An average boss would simply ask what happened? Your subordinate is not a school gal to be spoken to like that.
That day Shinjini called me after office. She was so perplexed. There was a reputation she carried with her name in her previous organisation and here she was struggling with operations. Its much easier for an average guy to make it big, but its a great calamity for a maestro to become mediocre. Her previous organisation had called her and they were restoring her old designation and salary and her previous manager had even enquired in a creche near that office for her son; she was strongly contemplating that offer. "The only thing that is killing me is I am quitting without living up to the challenge." And I said to her, "If you took up that job, probably in the larger scheme of things, you actually would have killed the beast.
Next month, I was out of town and she quit. She stayed at home for a week, and joined the old place. One day I was having lunch with Goliath's superior and he said, "I have heard Shinjini goofed-up a couple of things while she was here!" I instinctively had an urge to tell him that she was performing exactly the same role as she was supposed to with us, in a competitor's office, and was evidently happy to be where she was right now.
Well... when I sign a contract for employment, do I sell my soul to the devil? Does the contract ever mention I have to give up a happy family back home to earn that money, is it even called for? Are we making Rockets or satellites in office to devote that kind of time? Why should it be sinful if a drink with my friends after a day's work is more precious to me than the day's work? And why should a sabbatical of one or two years from my ohh-so-long working life, to make babies, to write a book, to backpack around the world, to start a business; be such a big deal? It is my life, and all I traded were those specific hours out of my life... and people if you are giving anything more, make sure you are paid for it and if not, there are more precious moments which you are losing out on, which cannot be measured in money.
Arnav is two now; a very naughty and playful child. Goliath still occupies the Valley of Elah. Shinjini is doing her best, which is reflecting in her appraisals. She does have late hours but things are more organized. And Kim Clijster is back as the US Open Women's champion after a sabbatical of 2 yrs and a baby one year old.
..and the old leaves give way to new! The Forest Looks Beautiful in its new Green attire!!
Hello Everyone! Since a long time I wanted to change the look of this space. But 'blogspot' didn't have a very interesting variety. A little search on the net made me realize that there is an ocean of backgrounds out there, but you need to have some more-than-basic computer skills to fix it up! And then I realized, I HAVE A TECHIE HUSBAND :):):D !
So one evening after he was back from office, I made him some coffee, some snacks and lots of muaahs and purred, 'Honey U know what, can you please help me change my blogs background?' And u guessed it right... 'He cutie-pied me and rolled up his sleeves' !
Well it wasn't as simple a job as it looked initially, coz the background I selected had some different boxes and content and didn't have some content boxes at all, and I wanted everything as it is!! It was an irritating task I could see! And I was hovering around with, 'Honey Do you want some juice? Do you want something to eat?' But never did I say, don't do it if its a cumbersome thing to do, or let him get up! :) By then even he had understood my folly...
When he was done, I asked him, 'Sashu, can you do this again for me if I get bored of this one?' And he bellowed, 'YOU RODENT' !!
So people, this is gonna look like this only ....for a long long time!
;-) (Psst... U bet!!)
So one evening after he was back from office, I made him some coffee, some snacks and lots of muaahs and purred, 'Honey U know what, can you please help me change my blogs background?' And u guessed it right... 'He cutie-pied me and rolled up his sleeves' !
Well it wasn't as simple a job as it looked initially, coz the background I selected had some different boxes and content and didn't have some content boxes at all, and I wanted everything as it is!! It was an irritating task I could see! And I was hovering around with, 'Honey Do you want some juice? Do you want something to eat?' But never did I say, don't do it if its a cumbersome thing to do, or let him get up! :) By then even he had understood my folly...
When he was done, I asked him, 'Sashu, can you do this again for me if I get bored of this one?' And he bellowed, 'YOU RODENT' !!
So people, this is gonna look like this only ....for a long long time!
;-) (Psst... U bet!!)
Friday, May 15, 2009
Just how much is enough !?!?!
Ok! First the updates. People who asked me about Mickey sometime ago.... well he is getting married next month. :) I wouldn't say it was him 'who gave a fair chance to life', but rather his life has been more than fair to him. I don't know what to say, the story just completed itself. Is life indeed so predictable or I am a good story teller; I don't have an answer to any of those questions and many others. But yes, in Mickey's words (to me)... "this is our year, its been special for both of us and will be cherished always always and always." Wish you a great journey ahead, and to me as well :).
Going back to today's story!! If I were to say, I want love just enough to last me in my memories for the lifetime, how much does that really mean?
Aashna was my neighbor in one of the many stations we have lived in, thanks to my dad being an army man. She was 3 years older than me but I never ended up calling her 'Didi' or anything to that effect. She was a girl I looked up to, I idolized. I had just stepped into my teenage and she seemed to have been there and done that. I don't remember a single evening when I wouldn't have gone to see her. Evening was the time, when she would get dressed to go out 'with friends'. I watched her spend hours and hours selecting her dress, trying each one and showing it to me; not that she needed any opinion. And then another hour in getting the lipstick right and the eye-liner perfect and the mascara just enough. I personally wasn't the ones (I still am not) who would spend that much time to look in a certain way, if I were to go out with friends, so it was all quite interesting to me.
Weekends were the time when I would again go to see her, 'coz she used to me tell me her stories and gossip then. I wasn't her age, I am sure she didn't even trust that I understood her random gossip, but I know I was a close confidant to her. One evening she told me she had a boyfriend. I wasn't shocked really, but I did acknowledge inside my head that was indeed a bold thing to do. At that time, having a boyfriend was a real Big Deal to me. Those days, the grapevine would sound something like "you know, there is a guy in 8th standard in St. Anselms', he proposed Nitika (who would be in 7th Std in St. Mary's) in their school bus..." That was NEWS, and here was this girl who was telling me right in my face that see was seeing someone. In my confusion about whether she was immoral (please bear in mind my teenage sensibilities) or whether she was bold, I admired her.
From there started some endless evenings where, for the first time, I saw love from such a close distance...
She met this guy at her school feat. She was at the Juke Box stall. This dude and a couple of friends came along to play a song for a guy who was crazy about a girl they met in the feat. They requested a song, forgot to pay for it and coolly walked away. Our lady announced their names on the loudspeaker in the entire feat and dedicated a song to them, "Buddy! Can you spare a dime?"
Aakash came back and paid up. From there on, they started talking, then calling each other and it grew. One fine day, both of them knew they loved each other. In fact, it was Aakash who brought that up one day.
"What do you think about all this time that we spend together? Do you know what are we headed to? Is there something going on about this in your head?"
She said, "Are you trying to say that we are in love? 'Coz I am not very sure about myself. Maybe we have got too used to each other. Moreover, I am looking for commitment and I don't think that's your intention."
"Hmm! You are right. I am not looking at it from a commitment perspective. But this time that we have been spending together, doesn't that mean anything to you? Maybe we would never be together again, but isn't this phase a memory worth cherishing for a lifetime? The love that we would have between us would be enough to last us for the rest of our lives."
That probably was the second longest night we both sat up talking. She was trying to defy his logic in her head and she couldn't. She was right on her part about the 'commitment' thing and he didn't sound wrong on his part either. She did like spending time with him. There was no scheme in her mind, and didn't appear to be one in his mind too. She couldn't find an argument to counter his. And I being an incapable accomplice, couldn't advice her. I didn't know that, just saying 'I Love U' could be such a complex affair.
One night she came back crying. "Deepa he has been flunking in his 12th grade for past 2 yrs. What do I do about him now?" That was such a shocker. He didn't appear to be one of those flunky kinds. I asked her, "Aashna, do you really love him?" She nodded in a yes. "Can you not help him? If its your love then why not take efforts to make it work?" To me that was the most logical thing to advice. She loved him, then why should she hate him because he couldn't pass his 12th grade. Yes, she could have given up after trying to make him clear and he was still not getting there...
This girl did it. In her 11th Std she took efforts on his studies as well and saw him through.
After sometime it was the talk of the town. Convenient truths were told back home and these things carried on. Aashna and Aakash were a pair.
Aashna's mother also became a party to this. To her, Aakash was her future son-in-law. And why not! His father owned an 'Export House'. They had a 3 BHK apartment in NOIDA , a farm house near Chandigarh and a cottage in Amby Valley. And after her mom got in between it was a royal screw-up.
A woman from a decade old generation was trying to help her daughter in this generation to get her 'non-committal' boyfriend to marry her. And the daughter fully knew in the heart of hearts that 'commitment' was the last thing on the list when she got into this and she could have never told this fact to Mom. Somewhere, the daughter wanted to believe her mother's theories about how love can conquer all and she lost the sight of reality.
Meanwhile, Aakash started getting itchy about the friendly aunt. Unwittingly he started staying away from Aashna and that hurt her. There would be times when she would call him and he would have made other plans with his friends. If she got irritated on some occasion he would do something special and keep the hearth burning. They must have split and got back 'n' number of times in that phase.
One evening Aakash called up. His mother wanted him to get engaged to a relatives daughter. The relatives were quite well-off. And the daughter wasn't that bad either. There was no reason for Aakash to say 'No' to her. And of course there was no commitment to Aashna.
She called him and he came. She knew how crazy she had been for him, and he was aware all the time as well. She said, "I know there was no commitment between both of us, but the time and moments that we have spent together, do they mean anything to you? If you can cherish these memories for a lifetime, am I lesser than these memories even that you can't keep ME instead of them with you for the rest of your life?"
"I know baby, how much it hurts, I am not happy either. I can't go against my mother's wish. There is no reason I have to say 'No' to her proposal. And we were supposed to love each other 'Just Enough' remember?"
"And could you just tell me how much of love is just enough?" That night Aashna came back home. She was as white as a ghost. She was feverish the whole night and talking non-stop. That was the longest night I stayed up with her.
That night I knew, when it comes to love, your right may not be right for someone else. And nobody bothers if he/she has wronged you, because there are no rules. Please take care when you are playing the game, no one is responsible for you here. NO ONE!
Going back to today's story!! If I were to say, I want love just enough to last me in my memories for the lifetime, how much does that really mean?
Aashna was my neighbor in one of the many stations we have lived in, thanks to my dad being an army man. She was 3 years older than me but I never ended up calling her 'Didi' or anything to that effect. She was a girl I looked up to, I idolized. I had just stepped into my teenage and she seemed to have been there and done that. I don't remember a single evening when I wouldn't have gone to see her. Evening was the time, when she would get dressed to go out 'with friends'. I watched her spend hours and hours selecting her dress, trying each one and showing it to me; not that she needed any opinion. And then another hour in getting the lipstick right and the eye-liner perfect and the mascara just enough. I personally wasn't the ones (I still am not) who would spend that much time to look in a certain way, if I were to go out with friends, so it was all quite interesting to me.
Weekends were the time when I would again go to see her, 'coz she used to me tell me her stories and gossip then. I wasn't her age, I am sure she didn't even trust that I understood her random gossip, but I know I was a close confidant to her. One evening she told me she had a boyfriend. I wasn't shocked really, but I did acknowledge inside my head that was indeed a bold thing to do. At that time, having a boyfriend was a real Big Deal to me. Those days, the grapevine would sound something like "you know, there is a guy in 8th standard in St. Anselms', he proposed Nitika (who would be in 7th Std in St. Mary's) in their school bus..." That was NEWS, and here was this girl who was telling me right in my face that see was seeing someone. In my confusion about whether she was immoral (please bear in mind my teenage sensibilities) or whether she was bold, I admired her.
From there started some endless evenings where, for the first time, I saw love from such a close distance...
She met this guy at her school feat. She was at the Juke Box stall. This dude and a couple of friends came along to play a song for a guy who was crazy about a girl they met in the feat. They requested a song, forgot to pay for it and coolly walked away. Our lady announced their names on the loudspeaker in the entire feat and dedicated a song to them, "Buddy! Can you spare a dime?"
Aakash came back and paid up. From there on, they started talking, then calling each other and it grew. One fine day, both of them knew they loved each other. In fact, it was Aakash who brought that up one day.
"What do you think about all this time that we spend together? Do you know what are we headed to? Is there something going on about this in your head?"
She said, "Are you trying to say that we are in love? 'Coz I am not very sure about myself. Maybe we have got too used to each other. Moreover, I am looking for commitment and I don't think that's your intention."
"Hmm! You are right. I am not looking at it from a commitment perspective. But this time that we have been spending together, doesn't that mean anything to you? Maybe we would never be together again, but isn't this phase a memory worth cherishing for a lifetime? The love that we would have between us would be enough to last us for the rest of our lives."
That probably was the second longest night we both sat up talking. She was trying to defy his logic in her head and she couldn't. She was right on her part about the 'commitment' thing and he didn't sound wrong on his part either. She did like spending time with him. There was no scheme in her mind, and didn't appear to be one in his mind too. She couldn't find an argument to counter his. And I being an incapable accomplice, couldn't advice her. I didn't know that, just saying 'I Love U' could be such a complex affair.
One night she came back crying. "Deepa he has been flunking in his 12th grade for past 2 yrs. What do I do about him now?" That was such a shocker. He didn't appear to be one of those flunky kinds. I asked her, "Aashna, do you really love him?" She nodded in a yes. "Can you not help him? If its your love then why not take efforts to make it work?" To me that was the most logical thing to advice. She loved him, then why should she hate him because he couldn't pass his 12th grade. Yes, she could have given up after trying to make him clear and he was still not getting there...
This girl did it. In her 11th Std she took efforts on his studies as well and saw him through.
After sometime it was the talk of the town. Convenient truths were told back home and these things carried on. Aashna and Aakash were a pair.
Aashna's mother also became a party to this. To her, Aakash was her future son-in-law. And why not! His father owned an 'Export House'. They had a 3 BHK apartment in NOIDA , a farm house near Chandigarh and a cottage in Amby Valley. And after her mom got in between it was a royal screw-up.
A woman from a decade old generation was trying to help her daughter in this generation to get her 'non-committal' boyfriend to marry her. And the daughter fully knew in the heart of hearts that 'commitment' was the last thing on the list when she got into this and she could have never told this fact to Mom. Somewhere, the daughter wanted to believe her mother's theories about how love can conquer all and she lost the sight of reality.
Meanwhile, Aakash started getting itchy about the friendly aunt. Unwittingly he started staying away from Aashna and that hurt her. There would be times when she would call him and he would have made other plans with his friends. If she got irritated on some occasion he would do something special and keep the hearth burning. They must have split and got back 'n' number of times in that phase.
One evening Aakash called up. His mother wanted him to get engaged to a relatives daughter. The relatives were quite well-off. And the daughter wasn't that bad either. There was no reason for Aakash to say 'No' to her. And of course there was no commitment to Aashna.
She called him and he came. She knew how crazy she had been for him, and he was aware all the time as well. She said, "I know there was no commitment between both of us, but the time and moments that we have spent together, do they mean anything to you? If you can cherish these memories for a lifetime, am I lesser than these memories even that you can't keep ME instead of them with you for the rest of your life?"
"I know baby, how much it hurts, I am not happy either. I can't go against my mother's wish. There is no reason I have to say 'No' to her proposal. And we were supposed to love each other 'Just Enough' remember?"
"And could you just tell me how much of love is just enough?" That night Aashna came back home. She was as white as a ghost. She was feverish the whole night and talking non-stop. That was the longest night I stayed up with her.
That night I knew, when it comes to love, your right may not be right for someone else. And nobody bothers if he/she has wronged you, because there are no rules. Please take care when you are playing the game, no one is responsible for you here. NO ONE!
Friday, March 27, 2009
The Comeback...
Its been a long long time, since I last wrote! I wonder where the readers are now and whether they still will be interested in this space. But trust me, it wasn’t that there were no stories, or I had lost interest. So much happened in such a short span that the blog climbed down a few steps on the priorities list. I can also pitch in an argument saying, “well this is just an amateur blogger, not a professional! So this can’t be called unprofessional”
What is important is that I am back and quite happy about it…. :)
There are in fact many stories that could have made it to this space as my ‘come-back’ piece. But let me just leave you with a small slice out of a very big cake. Of course, the disclaimer at the top of the blog still applies! :) :) This one’s a little abstract but nevertheless, the words kept flowing…
It is uncanny when your stories start getting real. Imagine there is a piece that you write 6 months ago, starts happening in real life. Is it that the mind is precognitive, or is it that you indeed know things about yourself but you are not ready to face them?
My mother, like every other Indian mother was getting all worked up that her young marriageable daughter was still at home (not literally). You can be at the top professionally, you can be fiercely independent and living your own life without bothering your folks, you may have your ideas as an individual about getting married but… when your mother takes it upon herself to get you married, you are nothing but any other Indian girl, judged on the age old norms of being a suitable prospective bride for a typical Indian groom. It’s important if you can cook; it’s important that you are submissive enough to nod your head at any silly idea that the guy or his folks may have (shows how well behaved you are); it’s important if you are willing to sit at home (‘if the need be’) and hundreds of other unreasonable ones.
The most ironical part is every one wants ‘a highly educated, smart, independent’ girl. How can an intelligent & smart individual not have a opinion of her own; how on earth can someone expect a person who has been in control of her life all the while, managing strings of a business so far, suddenly turn into a ‘typical bahu’ of the saans-bahu fame?
Anyways, the result of the whole battle was a struggle every weekend. My mom’s struggle to send me a list of at least 10 prospects every weekend; and my struggle to explain to her why I don’t take a minute to shoot them down. I even had my share of ‘meet the guy’ and ‘speak to the guy’ sessions. But it just made the matters worse.
Quite honestly, I thought I had had enough of this relationship trap and this arranged marriage thing would not work for me, I should just wait patiently till I turn 30 and my mom would give up on me :) :).
All I remember after that was, “I was sitting in this bus, on my way to Pune on a weekend, eager to meet Mom & Dad, feeling somewhat sleepy because of waking up early. The highway is beautiful; flanked by hills and peaks of strange shapes, very serene.” My phone buzzed… “Sushil’s Mom calling…” was the display! I had stored that number during a friendly fight when he gave me that number ‘coz I threatened to snitch to his Mom. And I was smart enough to save it. :)
“Hi, I got a missed call from this number…” is what he said from the other side, thinking how cool is that… “Just not possible, why would I give a blank call to Sushil’s Mom…” was what I answered. :) :) :) (it’s always a good feeling to be one up…)
We had been chatting for a while before he came down to India for Diwali vacations. I was busy with my hand-over in office plus winding up things at home, as I was moving for good to Mumbai. We would sneak in conversations whenever we could. Both of us were sizing each other up leaving the final decision for the time when we would actually meet. But yes, we did click. :)
The first time we met, we sat and yapped for 5 hours. (This number 5 became quite significant in many things we did together later but all that some other time. :) ) Actually it was me who was yapping and this nerd was just filling in the gaps I took to drink water or catch a bite. And the best part was the entire 5 hours was ‘small talk’. I came home and my mom asked, “So is this it?” I said, “I don’t know…” I know my dad wanted to kill me. But then I met him again the next day. This time both of us meant business. There were some serious things we had to go over. The next weekend I went to Nasik to meet his folks. And as fate would have it. I was in themiddle of a pre-annual closing. My boss was in China and I was fire-fighting. Much to the agony of the co-passengers, I was yelling my guts out over the phone, (network issues) typing emails furiously, I must be looking & smelling like trash. My Mom asked me to reach that night and we were supposed to meet his folks the next day. Just an hour before I hit Nasik, Mr. Dudeke calls, “Hey I am coming to pick you up, you are coming home for dinner.” I cannot explain the tumult in my stomach after I hard that. I thought, its ok sweety! "Just count what the profit is totaling up to, you are gonna be heading homewards the very next day…” All I could do was ‘wash my sorry face in the train toilet’.
I reached home and Mother was sitting right there, I just realized I was wearing a top which she hates from the core of her heart and her eyes were just getting bigger and bigger. I went up to her and said, Chill Mom, look at it this way, they will never see me worse than this :). I knew she couldn’t slap me there. :)
Alright, I came inside the bedroom with my suitcase to change and wow, the number lock went kaput… My sweet angel, who is now my Sister in law came to my rescue and gave me a T-shirt of hers. And that’s how I was presented to my future ‘in-laws’.
Then came the food, my MIL had prepared an awesome spread, especially the mutton (Sushil told her its my favourite). And Sushil, you keep asking me why I said yes to you isn’t it? Here it is officially on records… “it was the mutton”. And as all my friends and family know, when I am hungry and when you have mutton in front of me all I can understand is “Eat”. Which is what I did. And the reason why I love my MIL so much is that she actually had the gumption to ask me, “So Deepa! What is the decision?” I thought she must have been itching to throw me out of the house.
The next day me and Sushil went to Shirdi together. Our first outing together; I was nervous, (ok ok… shy as well!) That night we both sat all night talking. Talking about all random things under the sun, it was the first time he gave me a subtle hint of what he felt about me.
The next weekend we shopped, and the next weekend to that we got engaged. And I came back to work on Monday! Grrrrr! He came to meet in Mumbai then and we went out on our first date. Once again, another battle. Came to my place, I changed and we went to Dadar then looked for a taxi to Bandra, that broke down so we took an auto to Reclamation. That auto left us at some god-forsaken place as its tyre burst. Finally, after a long struggle we did reach where we wanted to. It was full moon, star spangled sky reflecting in the dark navy water, and his eyes were speaking much more than his words. And I thought to myself, we actually are a resilient couple. No matter what, no matter how… we reach the destination. :) :) And trust me, that’s how life has been after that.
This was end of November '08 (ask Sushil for exact dates and time). And 15th of Feb I was married to this man! One maniac married another. Where he takes donkey years to shop for 1 shirt, I have bought 10 things before he says ‘achhoo’! Where he packs up every thing meticulously without leaving a pin behind, I have my stuff splattered over 3 locations (Mumbai, Pune & Nasik). When he dresses up to kill every time, I dress up to confront the rough & tough world outside. When he waits the whole day to speak to me, I fall asleep somewhere in the middle of the conversation every night. Life is fun though! And both of us love each other inspite of all this. :) And that I guess is a perfect marriage. Love is the grease which lubricates the friction between all the rough edges in the machinery.
There was also a day when we fought, we really fought. But that night when crossed that bridge unhurt and unscathed, (It wasn’t a small issue mind you) I knew it, this is him. He is the one I was looking for.
It was my Birthday and I love my birthdays. :) :) But this time I was all alone. It was a weekday so couldn’t go home. I was contemplating it to be the worst birthday ever. But Sushil came down in the evening, he never forgets that I love flowers, I dolled up for him, we went out on the beach, had dinner, sat by the sea-shore till late, he stayed over and it was by far the best ‘Birthday’ ever.
This could have turned out into a ‘stranger married a stranger’ arranged marriage; or, ‘we are still getting to know each other’ arranged marriage. But some how, both of us never had that 'in-between' phase, the two of us were like those missing pieces of a big jigsaw and the moment we found each other, the picture was complete. Whenever my guy is around I keep wondering, “I hope I didn’t fall in love with him during those endless chat sessions when we were sizing each other up, or the first time I met him, or did I!!!”
Hey wait a minute, I was hurt sometime ago wasn’t I? I was done with this ‘love’ thing wasn’t I?
What is important is that I am back and quite happy about it…. :)
There are in fact many stories that could have made it to this space as my ‘come-back’ piece. But let me just leave you with a small slice out of a very big cake. Of course, the disclaimer at the top of the blog still applies! :) :) This one’s a little abstract but nevertheless, the words kept flowing…
It is uncanny when your stories start getting real. Imagine there is a piece that you write 6 months ago, starts happening in real life. Is it that the mind is precognitive, or is it that you indeed know things about yourself but you are not ready to face them?
My mother, like every other Indian mother was getting all worked up that her young marriageable daughter was still at home (not literally). You can be at the top professionally, you can be fiercely independent and living your own life without bothering your folks, you may have your ideas as an individual about getting married but… when your mother takes it upon herself to get you married, you are nothing but any other Indian girl, judged on the age old norms of being a suitable prospective bride for a typical Indian groom. It’s important if you can cook; it’s important that you are submissive enough to nod your head at any silly idea that the guy or his folks may have (shows how well behaved you are); it’s important if you are willing to sit at home (‘if the need be’) and hundreds of other unreasonable ones.
The most ironical part is every one wants ‘a highly educated, smart, independent’ girl. How can an intelligent & smart individual not have a opinion of her own; how on earth can someone expect a person who has been in control of her life all the while, managing strings of a business so far, suddenly turn into a ‘typical bahu’ of the saans-bahu fame?
Anyways, the result of the whole battle was a struggle every weekend. My mom’s struggle to send me a list of at least 10 prospects every weekend; and my struggle to explain to her why I don’t take a minute to shoot them down. I even had my share of ‘meet the guy’ and ‘speak to the guy’ sessions. But it just made the matters worse.
Quite honestly, I thought I had had enough of this relationship trap and this arranged marriage thing would not work for me, I should just wait patiently till I turn 30 and my mom would give up on me :) :).
All I remember after that was, “I was sitting in this bus, on my way to Pune on a weekend, eager to meet Mom & Dad, feeling somewhat sleepy because of waking up early. The highway is beautiful; flanked by hills and peaks of strange shapes, very serene.” My phone buzzed… “Sushil’s Mom calling…” was the display! I had stored that number during a friendly fight when he gave me that number ‘coz I threatened to snitch to his Mom. And I was smart enough to save it. :)
“Hi, I got a missed call from this number…” is what he said from the other side, thinking how cool is that… “Just not possible, why would I give a blank call to Sushil’s Mom…” was what I answered. :) :) :) (it’s always a good feeling to be one up…)
We had been chatting for a while before he came down to India for Diwali vacations. I was busy with my hand-over in office plus winding up things at home, as I was moving for good to Mumbai. We would sneak in conversations whenever we could. Both of us were sizing each other up leaving the final decision for the time when we would actually meet. But yes, we did click. :)
The first time we met, we sat and yapped for 5 hours. (This number 5 became quite significant in many things we did together later but all that some other time. :) ) Actually it was me who was yapping and this nerd was just filling in the gaps I took to drink water or catch a bite. And the best part was the entire 5 hours was ‘small talk’. I came home and my mom asked, “So is this it?” I said, “I don’t know…” I know my dad wanted to kill me. But then I met him again the next day. This time both of us meant business. There were some serious things we had to go over. The next weekend I went to Nasik to meet his folks. And as fate would have it. I was in themiddle of a pre-annual closing. My boss was in China and I was fire-fighting. Much to the agony of the co-passengers, I was yelling my guts out over the phone, (network issues) typing emails furiously, I must be looking & smelling like trash. My Mom asked me to reach that night and we were supposed to meet his folks the next day. Just an hour before I hit Nasik, Mr. Dudeke calls, “Hey I am coming to pick you up, you are coming home for dinner.” I cannot explain the tumult in my stomach after I hard that. I thought, its ok sweety! "Just count what the profit is totaling up to, you are gonna be heading homewards the very next day…” All I could do was ‘wash my sorry face in the train toilet’.
I reached home and Mother was sitting right there, I just realized I was wearing a top which she hates from the core of her heart and her eyes were just getting bigger and bigger. I went up to her and said, Chill Mom, look at it this way, they will never see me worse than this :). I knew she couldn’t slap me there. :)
Alright, I came inside the bedroom with my suitcase to change and wow, the number lock went kaput… My sweet angel, who is now my Sister in law came to my rescue and gave me a T-shirt of hers. And that’s how I was presented to my future ‘in-laws’.
Then came the food, my MIL had prepared an awesome spread, especially the mutton (Sushil told her its my favourite). And Sushil, you keep asking me why I said yes to you isn’t it? Here it is officially on records… “it was the mutton”. And as all my friends and family know, when I am hungry and when you have mutton in front of me all I can understand is “Eat”. Which is what I did. And the reason why I love my MIL so much is that she actually had the gumption to ask me, “So Deepa! What is the decision?” I thought she must have been itching to throw me out of the house.
The next day me and Sushil went to Shirdi together. Our first outing together; I was nervous, (ok ok… shy as well!) That night we both sat all night talking. Talking about all random things under the sun, it was the first time he gave me a subtle hint of what he felt about me.
The next weekend we shopped, and the next weekend to that we got engaged. And I came back to work on Monday! Grrrrr! He came to meet in Mumbai then and we went out on our first date. Once again, another battle. Came to my place, I changed and we went to Dadar then looked for a taxi to Bandra, that broke down so we took an auto to Reclamation. That auto left us at some god-forsaken place as its tyre burst. Finally, after a long struggle we did reach where we wanted to. It was full moon, star spangled sky reflecting in the dark navy water, and his eyes were speaking much more than his words. And I thought to myself, we actually are a resilient couple. No matter what, no matter how… we reach the destination. :) :) And trust me, that’s how life has been after that.
This was end of November '08 (ask Sushil for exact dates and time). And 15th of Feb I was married to this man! One maniac married another. Where he takes donkey years to shop for 1 shirt, I have bought 10 things before he says ‘achhoo’! Where he packs up every thing meticulously without leaving a pin behind, I have my stuff splattered over 3 locations (Mumbai, Pune & Nasik). When he dresses up to kill every time, I dress up to confront the rough & tough world outside. When he waits the whole day to speak to me, I fall asleep somewhere in the middle of the conversation every night. Life is fun though! And both of us love each other inspite of all this. :) And that I guess is a perfect marriage. Love is the grease which lubricates the friction between all the rough edges in the machinery.
There was also a day when we fought, we really fought. But that night when crossed that bridge unhurt and unscathed, (It wasn’t a small issue mind you) I knew it, this is him. He is the one I was looking for.
It was my Birthday and I love my birthdays. :) :) But this time I was all alone. It was a weekday so couldn’t go home. I was contemplating it to be the worst birthday ever. But Sushil came down in the evening, he never forgets that I love flowers, I dolled up for him, we went out on the beach, had dinner, sat by the sea-shore till late, he stayed over and it was by far the best ‘Birthday’ ever.
This could have turned out into a ‘stranger married a stranger’ arranged marriage; or, ‘we are still getting to know each other’ arranged marriage. But some how, both of us never had that 'in-between' phase, the two of us were like those missing pieces of a big jigsaw and the moment we found each other, the picture was complete. Whenever my guy is around I keep wondering, “I hope I didn’t fall in love with him during those endless chat sessions when we were sizing each other up, or the first time I met him, or did I!!!”
Hey wait a minute, I was hurt sometime ago wasn’t I? I was done with this ‘love’ thing wasn’t I?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)