Thursday, August 1, 2013

How will you ever change the world lady?

To be honest, I did not want to write about this. And it was something that struck me months ago. And it takes me days to get over things like these but I did and then it happened again.

I have never been a champion of 'Feminism'. Simply because I think respect has to be earned, power has to be won and rights have to be fought for, irrespective of you being a man, a woman or just queer. For every 10,000 examples of 'the oppressed', you will find 1 person who earned whatever he/she wanted against all odds. One may not get something as easily as another privileged person but then there are privileged people who could not make use of what they had. It evens out. I think in this whole process one is driven by the self esteem they have for themselves. Ones with lower self esteem will try to seek patronage and the ones with higher self respect will fight everything and everyone to achieve what they want. But I thought everyone has it in them even if not in same degree. Days ago I was shocked and disturbed when I learnt that this may not be true.

This was when the Delhi-rape case happened and we were discussing this among friends. And a friend who is born and raised in the city said, "Oh, I am so glad I don't have girls, girls are so hard to raise." To which another friend responded, "Yes, after this incident, I would not want to have a girl." Two dear friends, one used to be a women's rights activist in Delhi and one is a bright IT professional and both women! In those two lines without realizing they trashed their whole existence and acknowledged the huge responsibility they presumably were on their families when they were born. Boys get raped too. And there are men who feel ashamed that a man did this to a woman, but I have never heard a man trashing his own existence over it. 

It got me thinking, it must have taken centuries of cleverly designed societal practices and that too world-wide to belittle the female of this species; to an extent where they themselves feel lowly about themselves. It makes me wonder if it was indeed men who oppressed women in the first place. Think about it... mothers raise their sons instilling in them the special privileges they earn thanks to being males. You would think a woman whose self respect and ego was trampled at every stage of her life would end up raising her children doing it the right way but guess what happened! Men never think too much, mom says I don't do dishes, 'Great'! But in that one small lesson, he was taught, all work is not equal, all work is not dignified, you can expect some else do things for you, especially if it is a female. Your mom can be bigger to you in age, relation and respect, but she will still do your dishes! And I will bet my bottom dollar that a man will ever reconsider this after he grows up. It's us women who have the boon & curse of thinking too much, not them.

Next time lady, when you plan to raise those placards against the oppressions of the male-dominant society, do give two pence to the fact that maybe you are barking at the wrong tree. Maybe it was always in your own hands.


Ramesh said...

Obviously the comment of the two ladies has bugged you enormously, but I suspect it was the sort of casual throwaway comment that is often made in social conversations !

One of the things that I firmly believe in is that innately, there is no difference between men and women at all - they , in general have the same emotions, same good and bad, same aspirations, same follies, and so on and so on. Societal mores and upbringing does change general patterns of behaviour, but only up to point. However much a mother raises a pampered child, there are enough men who genuinely do their share of the drudgery. And there are enough women who are lazy bums.

There are just two areas where there is a fundamental difference - child bearing and the problem of rape. Women take a disproportionate share of child bearing and child rearing, for which man must be eternally grateful. And unfortunately, through history, hormones have dictated that rape as a heinous crime has been perpetrated by men on women. While society has evolved that many men absolutely abhor the very idea of rape, unfortunately there are still many many men for whom that is acceptable - rape not just as a criminal act, but in many more subtler ways.

Yes lady, think a little next time you want to hold a placard. But still, there are many men who have great sympathy for some of the ills that afflict your gender.

Deepa said...

@Ramesh- I wish those comments were made in a passing :( I agreee i cannot wish away rapes and murders from the society, and there are bigger problems that womankind faces in various segments of the society. But gals who have been raised with equal opportunities have been educated well, how can they make comments like this even in a passing. Because they've heard these over and over and over so many times that they cannot think outside this circle. And if gals who have no reasons to think this way, still do, who would you blame your woes on? Others or yourself!

Deepa said...

Another example of how women are the the principle reason for their woes -

Anonymous said...

Deepa, Incidentally i witnessed a mother-in-law ego a day before your comment here. my 31 years of experience with this issue shocked me when that old receiver did the same mistake to next generation. I think ego, insecurity, jealous & taking for granted attitude are the reason behind it. A son & husband role is crucial here to make patch between two women. I agree joint families are not healthy. (without hurting your sentiment, i have a question- they both are women how they fail to understand each others problem).

Deepa said...

@anonymous- I wish I had the answer. It's not my place to comment on why people behave the way they do. I was only trying to find a reason for something that didn't feel right to me. Also, do let me know why two men, usually father and son or two brothers fail to understand each other in spite of both being men. May be I can answer your question then.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for making me realize nothing in gender. When thoughts go higher small problems fades away. i wish every human knowledge and thoughts should go higher, then social problems or family problems will OCCUR LESS.