Friday, March 13, 2015

It’s my Birthday!!

A decade ago these three words would probably be written in bold, underlined and put up as signs everywhere a month before the actual D day. I had even realized what a futile exercise it was for my friends to spend hours buying me a gift with a paltry teenager pocket money allowance. So I would come with a wishlist, cost it out and split it up for them as well. I got what I wanted, they could stay in their budgets and everyone was happy. The midnight hours calls were sacred. There was one time when our phone (the good old landline) died on the eve of my birthday and it was going to be the year of doom, but that night miraculously it rang at the midnight hour… oh yeah... Ring it did! You would not dare to look me in the eye if you were a friend and didn't wish me on my birthday!

Ten years later I look back and can’t help but notice life happen between these years. I feel humbled and grounded. A dear friend who lost her mom on the same date as my birthday when we were in school, remembers her mother fondly and never forgets to wish me every year just as dearly; I see the magnanimity in her gesture. The mother in me almost forgets her birthday in the morning mad rush trying to pack lunches and getting the 2 boys out of the door; I feel dwarfed in front of time. A few friends call up and ask very poignantly about when I would visit next and I am unable to make up a good answer; I feel helpless in front of distance. Thanks to the internet the messages, blessing and love doesn't stop flowing from near and dear ones; I feel intimidated and wonder if I have done enough to deserve it.

I wonder what changed in ten years that it doesn't feel right to be the ‘Rockstar who jumps off the stage into the crowd’ on your birthday and thinking instead about ‘how much more there is to do’, ‘how miniscule I am in the grand scheme of things’ and ‘there goes another year’! Mid-life crisis anyone?!


Ramesh said...

Oh come on - you have another two decades to go before you come to mid life.

Yeah, that's what growing up is all about. We can look back ten years and see how completely our lives have changed. Its the same between 65 and 75 , say. We can, but, simply enjoy the good moments everyday throws up. Didn't the "younger boy" give you a dazzling smile today morning ??

A wonderful post to remind us what we have been missing while you have been busy getting the two boys out of the door !

Happy birthday young lady. Wishing you all the happiness in the world.

Deepa said...

Thanks Ramesh! The little one does dazzle us with a smile each morning and says 'Hi Mammu, time to wake up!'

Appu said...

LOl you found time to write this amidst the busy schedule! Hmm so you were doing costing and splitting it out even then :) Nice! He wakes up even before you! Wow!! :P :D

Deepa said...

@ Appu - I was born to do this job. I would always budget/calculate, even as a kid. :D

There are many moments when I get these pangs to write something and don't get time and my head wants to explode. So its better to let out the steam a little, not to lose it completely. Its when these mini posts happen.